Sigh

I try to be patient and calm and it just doesn't work for me. I get riled up 0 to 60in 5 seconds. I do not have the discipline to keep calm.

I did yoga for 10 years and regularly meditated up until a year ago. None of it worked.

I recently purchased the following to hang in my new home:




I decided it was a good mantra for me. I need to internalize it and be a walking example but all of this flew out the fucking window this morning.

I've had this 'me against the world' mentality since I was old enough to speak...maybe even before, ask my mom. So this whole selling of my wonderful Denver cottage has felt a lot like this. The woman wanting to buy is my enemy and she shouldn't be but I project it anyway. It deserves to be said: I'm a little bit crazy.

I've made real estate personal. This woman is my enemy because she had the balls to try to low ball me...but we did the same thing when we made an offer on the house we're trying to buy. However, all of my feelings intensified this morning when the inspection report came back and things that shouldn't be on it were and they are the fault of the flipper and not the buyer being a picky bitch.

The sewer line is busted. The sewer line that was replaced when the builder flipped the house. The person who installed it didn't compact the soil beneath the pipe so it cracked. Nice. My real estate agent told me it could cost up to $12,000. That's all it took. I was at 60. When I get angry I cry. When I get angry I slam doors and throw things. What I learned today is that I am 4.

Everyone told me not to worry, not to stress, not to think about it until I got an estimate. All I really wanted was someone to say "You're right, that sucks ass." So I got more pissed off.

So after a full day of being miserable by myself I got the call saying that the fix shouldn't be more than $1,000. Still a lot of money since there are a billion other things she wants fixed but definitely not $12,000. So I feel better, but it looks like I have a date with small claims court.

So I'll still hang my new poster, but I think I'm going to add this one too because it seems more practical for me:




FYI the Keep Calm and Carry On posters were made by the British, to pass out in case the Nazi's occupied England. I'm battle ready.